If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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