They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
