I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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