I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
