Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
