you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
