Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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