I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
