I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
