i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my shit smells like andre
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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