I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
