My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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