I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
