I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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