You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
