none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
