happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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