I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
