i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
