Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
