either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
