I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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