i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
