I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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