Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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