just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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