Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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