i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
