I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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