Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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