Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
