I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
