I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
