If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
