So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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