I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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