when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
