there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I believe in your delicious
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
