you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
