Ambien. No doubt about it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
