Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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