i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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