I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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