I am puke
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
