found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
