Got a toothbrush?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Houston, we have a squirter
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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