I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
