What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
