Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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