What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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