laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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