I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
