I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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