Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
