i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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