Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
