M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
