I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
