i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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