If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your cock deserves a montage
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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