its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
