The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize