he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
